In Love with Confidence

2010-04-05T23:46:00.001-04:00

what a day. i cant wait for this semester to be over so i can ride, show, (find a job), hang out with my friends and mark. this year has been so tedious... school wise.

2010-02-09T03:53:00.000-05:00

i miss 2006/2007. those were some prime years.

2009-10-01T13:04:00.002-04:00

today i lost my car.

today is also the first day i've cried in a long, long time.

I mean like actual crying, actual tears running down my face, can't speak and hard time breathing.

why is my life such a stupid mess all the time.

ack

2009-09-15T11:27:00.001-04:00

so i haven't written anything in a long time on here... also haven't been active online at all aside from twitter, which i mostly do from my phone now anyway... haha. School's back in full swing and I have an amazing set of classes this year. Digital video art is pretty much the best thing ever hahaha. I can't wait for that class to completely get started.
Most of my IASC classmates rule or whatever, so hanging out with them rules, plus there are only three girls in the class so the drama is sooo minimal and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Stoked on lunch time. a 6 hour class sucks. :(

i'm so glad...

2009-07-05T13:42:00.002-04:00

that i only have one ex boyfriend. because the one i have is a complete and total IDIOT. Rude, inconsiderate, racist, everything. you name it. here, a conversation we had just today.

1:30pm Josh
i'm sorry for you ariel
that you're canadian
and you don't know any black people
1:33pm Ariel
are you stupid?
1:33pm Josh
are you stupid for thinking i'm serious?
you already answered me.
i celebrated my independence day by hanging out with all the black people that woldn't be here today if we hadn't caught them and sold them
god bless 'merica
1:35pm Ariel
you're never going to grow up and get a clue are you.
1:36pm Josh
you're never going to gain a sense of humor in replace of your inner bitch, are you?
and i'm on salary nigga, when will you grow up?
1:36pm Ariel
salary = being an adult? its a state of mind.
oh, and not being a racist bastard also hekps.
1:37pm Josh
salary actually means obtaining a set income for a fiscal year
but hey
you went to community college
1:37pm Ariel
i went to college
there is no such thing as community college.
1:38pm Josh
ah yes
i forgot
canadians call community college, college
1:38pm Ariel
i am now in university, building on that.
1:38pm Josh
and real college
university
1:38pm Ariel
once i'm done that, i may go to grad school.
1:38pm Josh
my canadian is a little bad
sick
get dem dollas
and yes ariel
i'm racist
because 9 out of 10 of my best friends are brown
and i burn crosses on the weekends
did you get the new brokencyde album?
1:40pm Ariel
unlike what you are doing with your life, i have a plan that is going to get me somewhere in life. so i can live comfortably and not have to worry about anything money related. which will be lovely and a lot more than anyone else could ever offer me.
and no. they suck.
1:40pm Josh
lol
they are amazingly terrible
it astounds me how something like that can exist
and that's cool, i'm guessing your main motivation is to get away from your parents
that was mine
1:41pm Ariel
no, it isnt
i love living at home.
i love my parents.
1:41pm Josh
i just completed culinary school and work at an upscale french restaurant as a sous chef in downtown st. louis
yeah
i love my parents to death too
but i couldn't stand them continuing to take care of me
i wanted to be completely independent
1:42pm Ariel
when i'm done school and have a good job i'm probably only going to move out to somewhere close.
1:42pm Josh
that sounds good
you're near everything though
so that works
my parents live a good hour and a half from any big city
i'm actually moving to san francisco june of next year and am starting my job at a ralph fiat restaurant in the bay area

etc etc. do you see why he is an EX-boyfriend? yeah.

oh jeez,

2009-06-19T00:11:00.002-04:00

my bad. I've not updated for a month. I'm sorry. I've got like... three journals to update. my LJ which is more private... my tumblr, which is for fun things like pictures and quotes and stuff... and this one. which is for... well tbh mostly just following and reading other people's journals, which i do every other day or so. So yeah. updates don't much happen on here simply because nothing ever happens in my life/if something does happen, i tweet almost immediately. which makes this blog pretty much irrelevant. oh well. i'm sorry but not really.

Basically my life is work, sleep, work, sleep etc. there is literally nothing going on in my life. it kinda rules, but it kinda doesnt! whateveerrrrrrr

this isn't the first time I've blogged these lyrics

2009-05-19T00:45:00.002-04:00

"Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,

And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?

So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.

It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions

And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.

You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.

And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is

A reminder of what I'll never have

I'll never have... I'll never...

Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.

But this table for one has become bearable.

I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you."

take this to heart

2009-05-12T04:20:00.005-04:00

"all i want from you

is time to explain

i swear you don't have to be afraid

all i want from you

just give me the first chance

because second chances never matter

all i want from you

is just a little more than this

you can talk to me i promise

all i want from you

is your smile

i couldn't lie to myself

saying you don't mean a thing

a year and a half long crush

you're impossible to get over

all i want from you

is for you to understand

i'll cross my fingers and hope you can

all i want from you

is for you to hold my hand

run your fingers down my arm

that's all i want from you

just take this to heart"

thank you charles leslie, for these words.

because they are so simple and so amazing and they make me think

and I have hope. a lot of hope for the future. i know it's going to be amazing. I just have to wait it out. and i know i can because it'll be worth it. I don't know what "it" is, or will be, but it'll be something. and it will be worth it. i am excited for the future. so much. and i'm going to love it.

sighh

2009-04-15T22:07:00.001-04:00

some days i wish i had someone to be soinlove with.

you know?

it would be nice.

:D

2009-03-17T13:19:00.001-04:00

it is BEAUTIFUL outside.
and I'm going to have to write essays REALLY fucking soon.
I don't wanna.
not. at. all.

shut up

2009-02-28T22:46:00.002-05:00

nights like these (at home alone on a saturday) really make me wish i had someone.
and i hate that likealot because i don't NEED anyone.
I'm so strong and capable and happy on my own
these nights make me doubt myself.
and I don't like doubting myself.

there is so much more that i would like to pour out but that is NOT what this is for.

hrmmmm

2009-02-19T20:28:00.001-05:00

my legs hurt. from riding.
twitter? hi, please be back on my phone for good now
it makes life so much more fun.
horse show sunday, stoked!

rut rut rut

2009-02-14T14:26:00.001-05:00

i need something new in my life
and someone's offered me something that could be that thing
it'll take a lot of time and patience
but I think i could do it.
it's exciting really.

survey thing because i haven't blogged in a few days

2009-02-05T20:20:00.002-05:00

Username: airairariel

Why did you pick it?: i actually have no idea...

Who did you first subscribe to?: nerimon. imagine that. then smosh. then jimmy0010 then musicfromblueskies. then the rest is history.

Who did you most recently subscribe to?: simplyplainethan

What does your last text message say?: "k"

Do you have any goals?: to continue to be as awesome as possible. and go to the UK soon.

What was the last thing you bought?: vanilla latte.

Describe the person who posted this using one line?: erm, a youtuber?

Are you excited about anything?: YOUTUBEOGGAN PART 2!!!!

Do you have a crush? yes and everyone knows about it.

Have you ever been drunk?: yeah.

Who was the first Youtuber you met in real life?: JDM525 at 888, followed by 3sixty5days and Drakesizzle. I drove them to the science centre!

Who was the last Youtuber you met in real life?: Kiara and Jacqueline.

Do you pefer day or night?: night night gnight!.

Are you a member of any collab channels?: DailyRambles lol.

Do you have a secret account?: not one that i actively use.

Do you believe in God?: Nope.

Which youtuber do you talk to the most?: Caithead, massaar6, luckynumb3r7, mickiebee14 hmmm....

Which Youtuber do ou think makes the best videos?: musicfromblueskies or iianardo :).

You may only subscribe to 5 channels and only watch their videos. who will they be?:
mfbs
iianardo
3sixty5days
corporalcadet
kickthepj
(i like boys with accents? they're so creative though!)

Are you in a relationship?: nope, not interested in one either..

would you date a smoker?: yeah but no smoking in the house or car

Where is your favourite place?: my room! i love it

Are you a happy person?: have you seen me? i love life

Would you kiss the person who posted this?: smoochiesz

What would you take to the desert island? : a boat to get home eventually, my favourite youtubers and a frizbee

Do you prefer sun or snow?: sun is ok. but snow is ok too. as long as neither are extreme.

Who did you last speak to on the phone? hmmm.. one of my parents i think? or my work.

Who did you last text?: my brother

What are you doing tomorrow?: sleeping in and going to IASC class

What is your favourite flavour of potato chips?: salt and vinegar!

What size are your feet?: 9.5-10

What do you want?: yr mom. lol kidding if you know me you know what i want

What do you need?: to finish this essay i've been procrastinating

What do you remember?: trivial shit!

What do you wish?: i wish things weren't as expensive as they are

Confess: i did it. and i LIKED it.

Honesty. Do you want people to anonymously post what they REALLY Think of you? i don't really care either way?

oh noes

2009-02-01T14:15:00.002-05:00

i'm in an unmotivated mood, which is not good
i have papers to do! eeek.
work makes me mad. it gets in the way
but i don't get enough shifts, i need money!
ughhhh!

oooh

2009-01-30T00:47:00.001-05:00

i'm actually super bad at every game on iilwy
it's hilarious really.

two stories

2009-01-28T18:47:00.001-05:00

i like telling stories to people on msn even when they aren't there.

airface. → dinner, then time management says:
my phon went off three times in english seminar today
airface. → dinner, then time management says:
im assuming youre earing, im just going to finish my story even though youre not here
airface. → dinner, then time management says:
so yeah it went off three times and jesse was like "is someone texting? i keep hearing a phone beep"
airface. → dinner, then time management says:
and clearly he didnt see me texting lol, i'm stealth
airface. → dinner, then time management says:
and he was like "if you are, stop it"
airface. → dinner, then time management says:
and then not even five minutes later his phone went off lol
airface. → dinner, then time management says:
and he was like "well that's embarassing"

and sometimes being on the same wavelength as my friends is awesome.

airface. → dinner, then time management says:
i want to be a teacher
airface. → dinner, then time management says:
at a private school
Samantha Bee // I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you. says:
hogwarts?
airface. → dinner, then time management says:
like hogwarts.
airface. → dinner, then time management says:
hahahahah its amazing how alike our minds re

anyway. new daily rambles today. it's processing.

oh hi

2009-01-25T05:19:00.001-05:00

it's 5:19 am and i'm leaving my house to go to a horse show
this is silly
:)

lifestory monologue

2009-01-24T03:50:00.002-05:00

"don't leave me alone outside,
the cascading rain leaves me with little to hide"

this band seriously completes my existence.
sooo much.

http://www.myspace.com/lifestorymonologue
do it or you're scared.

hehe

2009-01-21T16:01:00.002-05:00

im eating potatoes and drinking orange juice
i love life.
class was cancelled today because pretty much the whole city didn't have power
it was awesome!

cultural geography

2009-01-20T10:37:00.002-05:00

when they were building places like london and other european cities, they concentrated on making things useful and beautiful.
in canada and the us, we make things useful and cost-efficient.
that is just another reason why i want to go to the UK.
it's way prettier. fuck western society!

omg :@

2009-01-18T13:29:00.003-05:00

it started snowing yesterday afternoon
and today afternoon it's still snowing.
will the madness never end?!!?!

lololol anyway. i've started to contact stables in the UK about a job for the summer.
the more i think about it, the more i want to do this.
the experience would be amazing and kick so much more ass than working where i work all summer again.
yeeah.

exciting things happening

2009-01-15T15:17:00.001-05:00

my patience only stretches so far lol
[3:03:43 PM] arielface says: guess what!
[3:10:21 PM] arielface says: fine don't guess.
[3:10:28 PM] arielface says: i'm going to tell you anyway.
[3:10:36 PM] arielface says: i'm changing majors XD
[3:10:38 PM] matt massaar says: hahah

that's right kids! as of april, i'm not going to be an english language and literature major anymore.
i'm going to switch to interactive arts and science. I'm really stoked.
the class i'm most excited to take?

*IASC 2P60
Web 2.0 Content, Construction, Collaboration
(also offered as APCO 2P60)
Context and topics in web-based interactive environments, communities and social networks designed for sharing content, user interaction and collective intelligence. Blogs, videoblogs and vodcasts; peer 2 peer and consumer 2 consumer; RSS, agents and recommender systems; social networks; online communities and virtual environments; tagging, bookmarking; wikis; mashups; collaborative and open source software and working environments.
Lectures, seminar, 3 hours per week.

like... seriously? YES PLZ.

oooh and this one!
#IASC 2P97
Digital Video Art
(also offered as VISA 2P97)
Concepts of basic videography and its applications within conceptual and aesthetic studio practice. Camerawork, composition and lighting; digital video and audio editing, special effects, composing, text and titling; and DV output. Critical analysis of recent and contemporary film and video practices.
Lectures, lab, 5 hours per week.
Restriction: open to VISA (single or combined) and VISA (Honours)/BEd (Intermediate/Senior) majors until date specified in Registration guide.
Prerequisite: IASC 1F00, VISA 1P97 (minimum 60 percent) or permission of the instructor.
Note: enrolment limited to 18 students. Materials fee required. Students might need additional materials and equipment which they must supply.

i <3 university.

oh boy

2009-01-13T17:51:00.002-05:00

my blog is all a mess right now,
but i'm going to work on it when i have time
:)
oooh css you are my friend

it doesn't get any better than this

2009-01-12T22:21:00.000-05:00

[10:18:43 PM] Mickie says: 22 - 14
[10:18:49 PM] Mickie says: Pubescently impossible
[10:18:58 PM] Kiara says: hahaha
[10:19:01 PM] Kiara says: you wrote pube

yaaay

2009-01-07T11:39:00.000-05:00

today is my first day of dailyrambles.
www.youtube.com/dailyrambles. i'll have my video up later :)

oh jeez

2009-01-06T08:36:00.001-05:00

this class might make me break that no-getting-addicted-to-caffeine thing.
three hour lecture at 8am... i'm yawnin.
haha

three goals

2009-01-05T01:45:00.000-05:00

hopefully this works out.
1. 500 subs..ish? by... summmer?
2. buy & learn guitar in the next few months
3. not get re-addicted to caffeine this semester.

sound good?

:)

2008-12-30T14:07:00.000-05:00

yesterday was the best day of break.
i win at gatherings
:)
WE win at gatherings.

haha i love convos

2008-12-24T22:38:00.000-05:00

so silly.

[10:29:43 PM] arielface says: yaaaaaaaaay i have a stalker!
[10:29:49 PM] Kiara. says: is he cute?
[10:30:06 PM] arielface says: i dont think so
[10:31:53 PM] Kiara. says: well, then tell him to buzz off

yes maybes

2008-12-19T01:09:00.003-05:00

this is just a list for myself.
me
cait (head)
shannon (lucky37)
mickie (bee)
matty (massaar)
shawna (nanalew)
kiara (patchwork)
jacqueline (unfamous)
spence (cah5)
godfrey (jayded)
tiffany (mondesir)
jen (skyck)

people who've been approached but i have not heard from
molly (meme)
matt (g124)
andrew (bisante)

i still need to approach more people about this.
eeek.

lets make a list of that too
castsurve
other... kids? from.. toronto?
if you know any leave a message.

eeep

2008-12-18T23:35:00.001-05:00

the 29th is getting closer and closer
and i still haven't made many decisions when it comes to youtubeoggan
hunter's point wildlife park maybe?
it came up first when i searched for toboganning hills in richmond hill.
so i might go with that.

ahhaha

2008-12-13T04:00:00.001-05:00

my life is a kilter
i have maple cookies.
i just counted the syllables i've got so far... like five times.
oh boy.

i love it

ha yaaay

2008-12-08T23:36:00.001-05:00

i am the least organized organizer ever!

makin a youtube gathering!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKZZjduZ6ZE

omgz

2008-12-08T13:19:00.002-05:00

i have a follower!!!

hi sam. :)

heh

2008-12-07T13:11:00.000-05:00

i just totally fucked up my sleeping schedule.
napping from 8:45-11pm and then being awake til 4am and then sleeping til 12:30
that'll do it.

aside from that, all I have to do this week is an exam tuesday and then work wed-sat.
i'm pretty excited.
i guess.
i have a couple assignments to get done for 1P10 still.
i`ll get there....

yes

2008-12-03T03:59:00.001-05:00

no matter what happens i know i'm happy.

my life is everything i want it to be

no stupid little thing can change that.

i'm an amazing person.

bite me.

ergg

2008-12-01T04:15:00.001-05:00

some people have no depth.

i do not get these people.

almost there

2008-11-23T23:37:00.002-05:00

two more assignments to get done for 1p10, a portfolio presentation and two exams

then this semester is OVER. over over over over!

and i get a MONTH off of school to relax and work and hang out and make videos and do christmas

I cannot wait to have a few days where i do nothing but sleep in and lounge around because i feel like i've been constantly going going going since september and i want a break so bad.

this winter break: must deivse a plan to get someone else fund a trip to the UK within the near future.

if you have any ideas... let me know!

yeah

2008-11-19T22:31:00.000-05:00

that essay i blogged down there about procrastinating?

STILL DOING IT

frick work gets in the way SO hard.

I need to just get it done and hand it in.

jeez.

procrastination

2008-11-14T12:31:00.002-05:00

i'm doing it again

i had an essay due on thursday at 4pm and i hadn't started til then

it's now 12:30 on friday afternoon and i have a page written in my notebook.

yesterday for me was pretty epic, aside from not getting my essay done.

lots of fun things happened that i don't care to really really detail

but it had something to do with the UK boys and night-time lock troubles

and then hours of blockles and skyping. so fun.

i wish i didn't have to work or school or anything. I just wanna hang out and be with friends.

i miss being carefree.

presentations

2008-11-07T13:27:00.000-05:00

they make me cringe.

i don't mind speaking in front of people, really, but i could do without the awkwardness

i picked a topic i know a fair bit about, AND i can bullshit my way through it if i have to

and i thought of a boatload of questions in case everyone is just like "...:|"

hahaha. ugh

luckily two other people are presenting today too, so I won't have to talk too long

:(

2008-11-06T19:08:00.002-05:00

today i had to go with my mom to put my old dog down
he was 11.
he was not doing well, and hasn't been for about a month.
at the beginning of the summer he weighed 118 lbs
when they weighed him today he was 82.
obviously when our fat old man refuses to eat, there's something wrong.
so now he's better off and off in dogland with his brother, who we put down a few years ago.

on the other hand, i went for a proper hack with jill today in the short hills
i am going to be SO fucking sore. so much riding.

ugh

2008-11-05T23:19:00.000-05:00

i've never been more over the whole meeting/getting to know boys phase

I dont wanna meet anyone and have to get to know them anymore

i just wanna have a normal, comfortable relationship for once

is that SO much to ask? sheesh

novermber

2008-11-04T16:12:00.003-05:00

it's november 4th and its like... 20 degrees out

ridiculous

anyway

my birthday is in 17 (?) days. it's exciting, im going to see if my parents want to pitch to help me get an actual dvr camera.

i'd be stoked on that.

i have a bunch of homework due this week and next and i havent realy started any of it. I need to get on that tonight probably.

i'm such a procrastinator.

give it up

2008-10-31T10:16:00.001-04:00

so i can go a week without talking to someone

and then when i message them they are all excuses as to why they can't hang out.

how much bullshit is that.

i'm really rather unimpressed with said person right now

so I'm probably going to stop giving a shit about him

too bad really, i thought he was pretty darn cool.

phone woes

2008-10-30T18:22:00.001-04:00

i accidentally dropped my phone in a bucket of water this morning.

it still works, thank god, but not all the buttons do

so texting is a bit... difficult.

let's just leave it at that.

I can't get a new phone til nov 8th.

weekend fun

2008-10-28T18:58:00.002-04:00

ok so this weekend i did a boatload of stuff that was fun

and i didn't do the ONE project for school that i was supposed to hahaha.

ugh, now i'm in THAT class and im feelin' like a douche for not doing it

but i'll get it done tonight.

anyway this weekend was great because friday i got to work with the kids

and saturday I had a horse show and I got second in my flat class, which was exciting. I never do that well in OUEA shows.

and then i went to see HSM3 on saturday night, which means i was up for almost 23 hours. hahah win.

and sunday I went to wonderland with Jenna, Krista Sam and Amy for fright fest. It was great. sooo hilarious. Krista got chased around by some guy with a chainsaw THREE times. we watched a group of clowns make this girl cry. man i was lolin SO hard. I loved it.

good times. very good times.

weekend

2008-10-24T10:25:00.002-04:00

this weekend is going to be fun times.

maybe going for coffee with a friend today and i've got class til 5

then i'm working 6-11 with fun kids

and then i'm coming back to the city to sleep

and getting up and meeting the other girls on the riding team at 5am

we're driving up to King City for a show

and then when I get back i'm going to see HSM3

and THEN sunday fright fest at wonderland with Jenna and Krista!

yaaaaay

class...

2008-10-20T08:28:00.003-04:00

i'm sitting here at 8:30 am doing fucking nothing in my class
i got up at like.. 6:30 to get here on time.
i hate hate hate getting up in the mornings.
and i'm royally pissed off that i could have stayed in bed this morning
cause i really wanted to. likealot.

canadian?

2008-10-10T10:41:00.002-04:00

i'm in my canadian cultures class right now, and we're talking about canadians and thier culture and how we identify ourselves.

to be honest, i don't really know the difference between us and everyone else.

over this summer i met people from ALL over the world and we all got along like we weren't different at all.

if people are open minded enough we all could just get along and be friends and have fun you know?

i think the major problem in the world IS segregation of cultures and all that.

maybe this is just me being niave and shit, but fuck man. can't we just accept our differences and get on with the fact that we are all people and therefore are equal?

i'm silly.

hmm

2008-09-26T01:31:00.000-04:00

webcams are strange things.

indeeed.

testing

2008-08-27T03:02:00.001-04:00

i just got iGoogle, so i'm hoping this works... maybe i'll start updating a little more frequently!

oh hi

2008-08-24T12:12:00.001-04:00

i'm so terribly bad at updating this.
so.. terribly... bad.

oops.

doctor lulz

2008-02-13T21:31:00.002-05:00

so when you're in emergency and the doctor asks you to follow his finger with just your eyes
and then asks if you're experiencing dizziness or blurry vision
laugh at him and wave your glasses around
he will then ask "well... more blurry than normal?"

oh boy.
sometimes i'm too funny.

flipside, i think i've lost my accent today.
poor guy. only been in my life for 6 months.

why I hate brock u

2008-02-12T11:25:00.001-05:00

next week is reading week. WOO! a week off from school. Nice.
It's called reading week so students can get some reading/work done right?
Well get this. I have three papers and a test.
THIS week.
You know what I have due after reading week?
NOTHING.
fuck you brock.

I have the best conversations

2008-02-06T00:25:00.000-05:00

lu c asme rri ll: I used to wish I could just admin forums for a living
lu c asme rri ll: I have no problem just sitting there and reading posts
go team ariel: hahah!
lu c asme rri ll: 2 computers, one for games, one for work
go team ariel: perfect
lu c asme rri ll: ya
lu c asme rri ll: i'd be all pale and weak
go team ariel: computer tan
lu c asme rri ll: really
lu c asme rri ll: perfect posture
go team ariel: you could possibly know everything about everything

i think this is what this blog is meant to be.
good conversations.

Oh hello

2008-02-05T11:18:00.000-05:00

I'm back, I'm sorry I've been neglecting you.
I'm in love with winrar and downloading full albums right now
I have major love for high speed internet at school.

Anyway, nothing too interesting going on right now.
Will update more later.

Lately

2007-07-18T12:39:00.000-04:00

I notice things when people come into the same room as me, be it at a house, or a store or anything. As much as I hate people, I find them fascinating. This honestly is only going to become more fun when I start school.
There's something in my life that I don't care to discuss on the internet, but I really need to get one of my girl friends to talk to me about it because it's something I'm not used to and I'm not sure where I want to go with it.
I'll figure it out with time I guess. I just don't like not having a good grip on things again.

My past, condensed

2007-06-01T13:58:00.000-04:00

i've been thinking about my past and what I've done and what I've put myself through a lot recently. And I think it's time i stopped being vague and hinting what I've been through and what I can't get over and everything.
As far back as I can remember, I haven't been happy. I wasn't ever depressed, aside from maybe a couple years or bits and pieces here and there of my life, but I wasn't happy.
It had to have started in Elementary school. I wasn't cool. I was the kid everyone picked on. I don't know how that happened, but it did. and I blame that for the entire rest of my life. I was made fun of for liking horses, that was the main thing. kids had a hayday on that one.
It pretty much continued all the way through elementary school. Middle school hit and it receded a little. But I still felt like no one liked me. It was further conceted by the fact that there was ONE kid in my class that hated me. I hated him back just as hard. Even in grade 7 when my friends made me a card because I was moving he wrote on it "I won't miss you." How heartless. Oh, and there was another girl in the school, she wasn't in my class though, but she hated me too. I never understood why. I made fun of her after she started making fun of me and then I didn't hear of it again. haha.
Summer camp was another factor in my life. I went every year up til the summer before grade 7. That last summer was possibly one of the most amazing ones of my entire youth. I met three amazing kids I spent one entire week with. Rhianna, Zac and Kyle. The four of us were inseperable for that week. Rhianna and Zac were beyond cute, they were almost like a couple? I don't really know, it was so long ago. I just remember being totally and hopelessly in love with Kyle. it was BRUTAL. I actually still think of him on occasion, 9? years later.
Anyway, then I moved to Caistor. I never made a single friend at that school. Everyone was so fake. I hated it. I hated it so much. I had to endure two years of that. Then I went to high school, which wasn't much better. Trust me when I say I hated high school. That's when I was actually depressed. Grade 10 was hard for me. Not the work or anything, but in my head. I was having a hard time getting friends and keeping them. I had a couple from Hamilton ditch me and that hit me hard. I had been shut down for the school play that year, and that hit me hard too. Drama class was pretty brutal too. I had girls in that class that hated me for some reason. I didn't let it show that that bothered me though, I just sent them snappy remarks back. Mostly insulting their intelligence.
I got shut down by guys right and left too. I never, ever had luck with guys. Ever.
So everything that happened that year contributed to probably the worst couple months of my life. I was despressed. Hardcore. Around my 16th birthday i was pretty much the lowest I had ever been. No one in my real life knew. I was withdrawn a bit yeah, but other than occasional mood swings I feel like I hid it pretty well.
The next year I tried out for, and made in a way, the improv team. Through that I met a lot of new people at South and a few from GSS as well. And an amazing things happened through the day we went to the improv workshop. I managed to get teamed up with this guy named Max. We basically did the activitied as fast as we could then sat around and talked all day. I gave him my email that day and I talked to him a few times on MSN but nothing ever came of it. The day my team competed in the Improv games though, I was cut from the team. That pretty much ruined my self esteem.
I finally found a group of girls that took me as I was in Grade 11. I hung out with them and I still talk to three of them to this day, four years later. But the problem was, it was too late. I had put in my papers to go to GSS for Grade 12.
That summer, I met someone who like... liked me. His name was Josh and he lived in Missouri. A part, a LARGE part of my life was lived online, because I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone I knew in real life. So I went online with it. I had a plethora of online journals and communities I was a part of, but none of them as large or as influential as Dashtabs. I met tons of people who meant a lot to me at the time there. I actually still talk to a handful of them. I first joined Dashtabs in the summer of 2002, but it wasn't til 2003 that I started going there and chatting on the message boards religiously. Somehow I met Josh and we started talking and eventually we "dated" if you could call it that. I spent a lot of time talking to him and we actually did meet in real life and he was my first kiss. At 17. We were together for two years before we called it quits. THAT sent me into a bit of a downward spiral but I trekked through it and the only thing it left me with is a bad taste for relationships and some alright memories.
Before I get into Grade 12, I have to address my work situation. The summer before grade 11 I got a job at Wendy's in Grimsby. I managed to hold out there for four and a half years. Anyway, within that time, I met and befriended a lot of people. Jes being one that I still talk to, Tyler, being another. And all the kids I met later, Braeden, Phil, Cud, etc. Anyway, I became comfortbale there and I had some really good times.
Grade 12 rolled around and I was miserable. I was supposed to concentrate on school so I could get into university but i did exactly the opposite. I screwed around, slept through class and got shit marks. I also failed my first class ever. Fuck you Data Management. The only good thing that came from Grade 12 was rugby. I found a new sport that I liked. And I had a lot of fun playing it. Anyway, I ended my high school career not enjoying myself. Halfway through grade 12 was when I was "together" with Josh so it that took up a lot of my time that should have been spent being a regular teenager.
I went to college the next year, at 17. Niagara College of Applied Arts and Technology. For Journalism-Print.
Which also lead to my brief stint as a photographer and writer and took me to some sweet shows with some sweet bands, most of which don't exist anymore but I still talk to a ton of the people I met. It showed me that I wasn't meant for menial newspaper garbage.
Anyway, that all lead up to me being who I am today, and if you ever was wondering about my past and why I'm the person I am, that's the story.
I'm sure I missed a LOT but that's all I feel like writing right now.

it's been a while

2006-11-25T19:01:00.000-05:00

I'm back. Hihelloyo.

Well there's a lot I could talk about
and a lot I'd LOVE to say
but only so much can go on the internets you know?
Besides, what's the point of having the intelligence of a rocket scientist and the body of a supermodel when there's no one to share it with?
hahahahaha
k I'm going to go shower and probably edit this later.

hahahaha 00*s.

2005-11-24T23:28:00.000-05:00

6 = O
0 = M
4 = u
2 = K
5 = I
* = p
3 = l

5 br62e 0y eff5ng 2eyb6ard.
5'0 *retty 05ssed.
5 s*53eed 6range 145ce 6n 5t a few days ag6 and n6w that 5t's w6r25ng, 5t's n6t w6r25ng r5ght!!!
hahahahaha 0an 5f y64 can 4nderstand 0e 5 g5ve y64 three th40bs 4*.
6ther than that have n6th5ng t6 say.
rea33y.

life and .... stuff

2005-11-16T16:43:00.000-05:00

College is frustrating. When you don't belong there, mostly I guess. I really don't belong there. I'm (here's me being humble) way too smart. I should be in University. But I was a slacker in high school and didn't get good enough marks.
Between 15 hours of class a week, 20+ hours of work a week, riding, and general galavanting around, I don't have time for essentials. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I rarely see my family. I really don't know what I'm doing right now.
The not eating thing is my own fault.
Have you ever wanted something so badly you'd do anything to get it?
I right now have something like that. Something I want so much, I feel like I need it. He just doesn't know it.
Or he does and he's just being a jackass. What else can I do to make myself desireable? I am always there when I say I will be, I'll go out of my way to do something for him. I try to be mad, but I can't even stay that way when I see him. I've been ruining myself for him. I know it's not healthy or good or anything. But I need it.
I have no power over this and I don't like it one bit. I don't like getting so frustrated about something like this.
maybe you could keep me up in bed
If you know who you are, know
You've brought me home. I was drifting. I was driftwood. I just need something a little more solid.
You could provide that.
I'm not perfect.

reliving the past

2005-08-03T00:19:00.000-04:00

ok, so I was going though my recentest no longer in use journal, from when I was 16/17, and I can't help but notice a trend in how I feel and what happens in my life.
and I really wish I could stop being such a freaking dumbass when it comes to life, but it seems like I'm just not equipped with the skills to do so. Like usually, people find someone they want to be with (a significant other, if you will) all the time, in real life, flesh bone etc etc. I seem to not be able to do that. Technically, I've had one boyfriend my entire life, and he lived and still lives 12 hours away. I've met him once and it was for about 2 days give or take a few hours.
Now, I'm not saying I haven't found other people attractive, because I definitely do, but I've never had that awesome emotional connection with anyone I know in real life. I have some awesome friends, yes, but... it's just not the same. Maybe I'm just one of those ridiculous freaks of nature and I need constant assurance and reassurance about basically everything, but I just can't find logical local love.
This one boyfriend I did have, though, I know I love. It's weird and awkward and very unfulfilling, but it's still love. It's way too bad I'm not some sort of millionaire so I could go see him every few weeks. Everyone always told me to find someone closer, yadda yadda, but I didn't. I'm pretty much starved for attention right now. From anyone really. I have my friends, and they're great, but it's just not enough, you know? I really do need something more. Being starved for anything is not a good feeling. It can only be put up with for so long.

something I don't understand

2005-07-07T15:57:00.000-04:00

Suicide bombers. Seriously. If you think about it, what purpose do they have? You can go into somewhere and blow a whole lotta shit up, but what's it going to accomplish? No one will really know what message you're trying to convey if you blow yourself up.
I think it would be more effective if you made some sort of non-violent stand. I may think that because I'm some sort of pacifist sucker, but whatever. Although I do say killing people makes you awesome, I never really mean it.
This whole bombing in London is a little ridiculous. Al-Qaieda whatever, It doesn't matter who is bombing and who is being bombed, it's all stupid nonetheless.
It will get thrown in the news for a couple days, then it will disappear just like all the other bombings in all the other cities in the world.
Maybe something constructive could catch the attention of the world and keep it. Earth and its inhabitants have ADD. It's gotta be shiny and really really interesting if you want to make a change to how people live.

oh jeez

2005-07-07T03:39:00.000-04:00

I should not be held on a pedestal like this.
I'm not that special.
trust me.

so, back to complaining

2005-07-06T02:22:00.000-04:00

Work, especially fast food, stinks. Seriously. I don't think I'm ever unhappy until I know I have to deal with being at work. I can be in the best of moods because I've been out with friends, or at riding or whatever, but as soon as I get there it's like this giant vaccuum of grumpiness. Which, right now, I don't need.
What I need is a better paying job. getting 10 cents more than minimum wage just isn't cutting it any more. I have bills, debts, and crap to spend my money on. Like right now, I owe my parents over $1800 because of school and my freaking car. which, by the way, keeps needing random repairs.
I still owe about $200 on my visa because all my pay was going to my car, rather than the $120 I need each month for riding. Which is due this thursday and I don't have money for it right now either.
ALSO I'm looking to buy the horse I've been riding recently. If his owner decides he's for sale. That would be another $4000 I need to find. Plus whatever board would be each month for him. And vet bills. and farrier bills, and all of those other random things that go with owning a horse.
Now, for the money I owe my parents, I think that applying for scholarships for next year will do me some good. I definitely had the marks last semester. 82% average my first year of college. Not too shabby considering I slept a lot during class. And did most of my assignments the couple hours before they were due.
and then, there are my friends. I love them, they are awesome, but god damn sometimes it's like "hello, I'm still here, and I need attention too"
not naming names, but I want my The Reason cd back. You said you'd return it sunday. It's now wednesday.
but it's almost 3am, so I think it's high time I went to bed.

never work in fast food

2005-07-05T16:04:00.000-04:00

I've been an employee of the wendy's corportion for almost three years now. I'm making $7.55/h. Adult minimum wage is $7.45.
I absolutely hate my job. Like, it's not just a general discomfort and frustration, it's an absolute and complete loathing for everything about the place. (except some of the people I work with). If there was anything else I could do to hate the place more, I would.
I think I'll go into detail about how much I hate it after I work.
I have to leave now.

hello and welcome.

2005-07-05T15:36:00.000-04:00

So I decided to go (professional?)
I have a livejournal, but I think it's time I matured.
I'll still use that
but this will be for mature things.
So, I'm Ariel. this is my blog.