oh jeez,

my bad. I've not updated for a month. I'm sorry. I've got like... three journals to update. my LJ which is more private... my tumblr, which is for fun things like pictures and quotes and stuff... and this one. which is for... well tbh mostly just following and reading other people's journals, which i do every other day or so. So yeah. updates don't much happen on here simply because nothing ever happens in my life/if something does happen, i tweet almost immediately. which makes this blog pretty much irrelevant. oh well. i'm sorry but not really.

Basically my life is work, sleep, work, sleep etc. there is literally nothing going on in my life. it kinda rules, but it kinda doesnt! whateveerrrrrrr

this isn't the first time I've blogged these lyrics

"Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,

And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?

So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.

It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions

And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.

You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.

And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is

A reminder of what I'll never have

I'll never have... I'll never...

Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.

Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.

But this table for one has become bearable.

I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you."

take this to heart

"all i want from you

is time to explain

i swear you don't have to be afraid

all i want from you

just give me the first chance

because second chances never matter

all i want from you

is just a little more than this

you can talk to me i promise

all i want from you

is your smile

            i couldn't lie to myself

            saying you don't mean a thing

            a year and a half long crush

            you're impossible to get over

all i want from you

is for you to understand

i'll cross my fingers and hope you can

all i want from you

is for you to hold my hand

run your fingers down my arm

that's all i want from you

just take this to heart"

thank you charles leslie, for these words.

because they are so simple and so amazing and they make me think

and I have hope. a lot of hope for the future. i know it's going to be amazing. I just have to wait it out. and i know i can because it'll be worth it. I don't know what "it" is, or will be, but it'll be something. and it will be worth it. i am excited for the future. so much. and i'm going to love it.

sighh

some days i wish i had someone to be soinlove with.

you know?

it would be nice.

:D

it is BEAUTIFUL outside.
and I'm going to have to write essays REALLY fucking soon.
I don't wanna.
not. at. all.

shut up

nights like these (at home alone on a saturday) really make me wish i had someone.
and i hate that likealot because i don't NEED anyone.
I'm so strong and capable and happy on my own
these nights make me doubt myself.
and I don't like doubting myself.

there is so much more that i would like to pour out but that is NOT what this is for.

hrmmmm

my legs hurt. from riding.
twitter? hi, please be back on my phone for good now
it makes life so much more fun.
horse show sunday, stoked!

rut rut rut

i need something new in my life
and someone's offered me something that could be that thing
it'll take a lot of time and patience
but I think i could do it.
it's exciting really.

survey thing because i haven't blogged in a few days

Username: airairariel

Why did you pick it?: i actually have no idea...

Who did you first subscribe to?: nerimon. imagine that. then smosh. then jimmy0010 then musicfromblueskies. then the rest is history.

Who did you most recently subscribe to?: simplyplainethan

What does your last text message say?: "k"

Do you have any goals?: to continue to be as awesome as possible. and go to the UK soon.

What was the last thing you bought?: vanilla latte.

Describe the person who posted this using one line?: erm, a youtuber?

Are you excited about anything?: YOUTUBEOGGAN PART 2!!!!

Do you have a crush? yes and everyone knows about it.

Have you ever been drunk?: yeah.

Who was the first Youtuber you met in real life?: JDM525 at 888, followed by 3sixty5days and Drakesizzle. I drove them to the science centre!

Who was the last Youtuber you met in real life?: Kiara and Jacqueline.

Do you pefer day or night?: night night gnight!.

Are you a member of any collab channels?: DailyRambles lol.

Do you have a secret account?: not one that i actively use.

Do you believe in God?: Nope.

Which youtuber do you talk to the most?: Caithead, massaar6, luckynumb3r7, mickiebee14 hmmm....

Which Youtuber do ou think makes the best videos?: musicfromblueskies or iianardo :).

You may only subscribe to 5 channels and only watch their videos. who will they be?:
mfbs
iianardo
3sixty5days
corporalcadet
kickthepj
(i like boys with accents? they're so creative though!)

Are you in a relationship?: nope, not interested in one either..

would you date a smoker?: yeah but no smoking in the house or car

Where is your favourite place?: my room! i love it

Are you a happy person?: have you seen me? i love life

Would you kiss the person who posted this?: smoochiesz

What would you take to the desert island? : a boat to get home eventually, my favourite youtubers and a frizbee

Do you prefer sun or snow?: sun is ok. but snow is ok too. as long as neither are extreme.

Who did you last speak to on the phone? hmmm.. one of my parents i think? or my work.

Who did you last text?: my brother

What are you doing tomorrow?: sleeping in and going to IASC class

What is your favourite flavour of potato chips?: salt and vinegar!

What size are your feet?: 9.5-10

What do you want?: yr mom. lol kidding if you know me you know what i want

What do you need?: to finish this essay i've been procrastinating

What do you remember?: trivial shit!

What do you wish?: i wish things weren't as expensive as they are

Confess: i did it. and i LIKED it.

Honesty. Do you want people to anonymously post what they REALLY Think of you? i don't really care either way?

oh noes

i'm in an unmotivated mood, which is not good
i have papers to do! eeek.
work makes me mad. it gets in the way
but i don't get enough shifts, i need money!
ughhhh!