6 = O
0 = M
4 = u
2 = K
5 = I
* = p
3 = l
5 br62e 0y eff5ng 2eyb6ard.
5'0 *retty 05ssed.
5 s*53eed 6range 145ce 6n 5t a few days ag6 and n6w that 5t's w6r25ng, 5t's n6t w6r25ng r5ght!!!
hahahahaha 0an 5f y64 can 4nderstand 0e 5 g5ve y64 three th40bs 4*.
6ther than that have n6th5ng t6 say.
rea33y.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
life and .... stuff
College is frustrating. When you don't belong there, mostly I guess. I really don't belong there. I'm (here's me being humble) way too smart. I should be in University. But I was a slacker in high school and didn't get good enough marks.
Between 15 hours of class a week, 20+ hours of work a week, riding, and general galavanting around, I don't have time for essentials. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I rarely see my family. I really don't know what I'm doing right now.
The not eating thing is my own fault.
Have you ever wanted something so badly you'd do anything to get it?
I right now have something like that. Something I want so much, I feel like I need it. He just doesn't know it.
Or he does and he's just being a jackass. What else can I do to make myself desireable? I am always there when I say I will be, I'll go out of my way to do something for him. I try to be mad, but I can't even stay that way when I see him. I've been ruining myself for him. I know it's not healthy or good or anything. But I need it.
I have no power over this and I don't like it one bit. I don't like getting so frustrated about something like this.
maybe you could keep me up in bed
If you know who you are, know
You've brought me home. I was drifting. I was driftwood. I just need something a little more solid.
You could provide that.
I'm not perfect.
Between 15 hours of class a week, 20+ hours of work a week, riding, and general galavanting around, I don't have time for essentials. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I rarely see my family. I really don't know what I'm doing right now.
The not eating thing is my own fault.
Have you ever wanted something so badly you'd do anything to get it?
I right now have something like that. Something I want so much, I feel like I need it. He just doesn't know it.
Or he does and he's just being a jackass. What else can I do to make myself desireable? I am always there when I say I will be, I'll go out of my way to do something for him. I try to be mad, but I can't even stay that way when I see him. I've been ruining myself for him. I know it's not healthy or good or anything. But I need it.
I have no power over this and I don't like it one bit. I don't like getting so frustrated about something like this.
maybe you could keep me up in bed
If you know who you are, know
You've brought me home. I was drifting. I was driftwood. I just need something a little more solid.
You could provide that.
I'm not perfect.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
reliving the past
ok, so I was going though my recentest no longer in use journal, from when I was 16/17, and I can't help but notice a trend in how I feel and what happens in my life.
and I really wish I could stop being such a freaking dumbass when it comes to life, but it seems like I'm just not equipped with the skills to do so. Like usually, people find someone they want to be with (a significant other, if you will) all the time, in real life, flesh bone etc etc. I seem to not be able to do that. Technically, I've had one boyfriend my entire life, and he lived and still lives 12 hours away. I've met him once and it was for about 2 days give or take a few hours.
Now, I'm not saying I haven't found other people attractive, because I definitely do, but I've never had that awesome emotional connection with anyone I know in real life. I have some awesome friends, yes, but... it's just not the same. Maybe I'm just one of those ridiculous freaks of nature and I need constant assurance and reassurance about basically everything, but I just can't find logical local love.
This one boyfriend I did have, though, I know I love. It's weird and awkward and very unfulfilling, but it's still love. It's way too bad I'm not some sort of millionaire so I could go see him every few weeks. Everyone always told me to find someone closer, yadda yadda, but I didn't. I'm pretty much starved for attention right now. From anyone really. I have my friends, and they're great, but it's just not enough, you know? I really do need something more. Being starved for anything is not a good feeling. It can only be put up with for so long.
and I really wish I could stop being such a freaking dumbass when it comes to life, but it seems like I'm just not equipped with the skills to do so. Like usually, people find someone they want to be with (a significant other, if you will) all the time, in real life, flesh bone etc etc. I seem to not be able to do that. Technically, I've had one boyfriend my entire life, and he lived and still lives 12 hours away. I've met him once and it was for about 2 days give or take a few hours.
Now, I'm not saying I haven't found other people attractive, because I definitely do, but I've never had that awesome emotional connection with anyone I know in real life. I have some awesome friends, yes, but... it's just not the same. Maybe I'm just one of those ridiculous freaks of nature and I need constant assurance and reassurance about basically everything, but I just can't find logical local love.
This one boyfriend I did have, though, I know I love. It's weird and awkward and very unfulfilling, but it's still love. It's way too bad I'm not some sort of millionaire so I could go see him every few weeks. Everyone always told me to find someone closer, yadda yadda, but I didn't. I'm pretty much starved for attention right now. From anyone really. I have my friends, and they're great, but it's just not enough, you know? I really do need something more. Being starved for anything is not a good feeling. It can only be put up with for so long.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
something I don't understand
Suicide bombers. Seriously. If you think about it, what purpose do they have? You can go into somewhere and blow a whole lotta shit up, but what's it going to accomplish? No one will really know what message you're trying to convey if you blow yourself up.
I think it would be more effective if you made some sort of non-violent stand. I may think that because I'm some sort of pacifist sucker, but whatever. Although I do say killing people makes you awesome, I never really mean it.
This whole bombing in London is a little ridiculous. Al-Qaieda whatever, It doesn't matter who is bombing and who is being bombed, it's all stupid nonetheless.
It will get thrown in the news for a couple days, then it will disappear just like all the other bombings in all the other cities in the world.
Maybe something constructive could catch the attention of the world and keep it. Earth and its inhabitants have ADD. It's gotta be shiny and really really interesting if you want to make a change to how people live.
I think it would be more effective if you made some sort of non-violent stand. I may think that because I'm some sort of pacifist sucker, but whatever. Although I do say killing people makes you awesome, I never really mean it.
This whole bombing in London is a little ridiculous. Al-Qaieda whatever, It doesn't matter who is bombing and who is being bombed, it's all stupid nonetheless.
It will get thrown in the news for a couple days, then it will disappear just like all the other bombings in all the other cities in the world.
Maybe something constructive could catch the attention of the world and keep it. Earth and its inhabitants have ADD. It's gotta be shiny and really really interesting if you want to make a change to how people live.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
so, back to complaining
Work, especially fast food, stinks. Seriously. I don't think I'm ever unhappy until I know I have to deal with being at work. I can be in the best of moods because I've been out with friends, or at riding or whatever, but as soon as I get there it's like this giant vaccuum of grumpiness. Which, right now, I don't need.
What I need is a better paying job. getting 10 cents more than minimum wage just isn't cutting it any more. I have bills, debts, and crap to spend my money on. Like right now, I owe my parents over $1800 because of school and my freaking car. which, by the way, keeps needing random repairs.
I still owe about $200 on my visa because all my pay was going to my car, rather than the $120 I need each month for riding. Which is due this thursday and I don't have money for it right now either.
ALSO I'm looking to buy the horse I've been riding recently. If his owner decides he's for sale. That would be another $4000 I need to find. Plus whatever board would be each month for him. And vet bills. and farrier bills, and all of those other random things that go with owning a horse.
Now, for the money I owe my parents, I think that applying for scholarships for next year will do me some good. I definitely had the marks last semester. 82% average my first year of college. Not too shabby considering I slept a lot during class. And did most of my assignments the couple hours before they were due.
and then, there are my friends. I love them, they are awesome, but god damn sometimes it's like "hello, I'm still here, and I need attention too"
not naming names, but I want my The Reason cd back. You said you'd return it sunday. It's now wednesday.
but it's almost 3am, so I think it's high time I went to bed.
What I need is a better paying job. getting 10 cents more than minimum wage just isn't cutting it any more. I have bills, debts, and crap to spend my money on. Like right now, I owe my parents over $1800 because of school and my freaking car. which, by the way, keeps needing random repairs.
I still owe about $200 on my visa because all my pay was going to my car, rather than the $120 I need each month for riding. Which is due this thursday and I don't have money for it right now either.
ALSO I'm looking to buy the horse I've been riding recently. If his owner decides he's for sale. That would be another $4000 I need to find. Plus whatever board would be each month for him. And vet bills. and farrier bills, and all of those other random things that go with owning a horse.
Now, for the money I owe my parents, I think that applying for scholarships for next year will do me some good. I definitely had the marks last semester. 82% average my first year of college. Not too shabby considering I slept a lot during class. And did most of my assignments the couple hours before they were due.
and then, there are my friends. I love them, they are awesome, but god damn sometimes it's like "hello, I'm still here, and I need attention too"
not naming names, but I want my The Reason cd back. You said you'd return it sunday. It's now wednesday.
but it's almost 3am, so I think it's high time I went to bed.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
never work in fast food
I've been an employee of the wendy's corportion for almost three years now. I'm making $7.55/h. Adult minimum wage is $7.45.
I absolutely hate my job. Like, it's not just a general discomfort and frustration, it's an absolute and complete loathing for everything about the place. (except some of the people I work with). If there was anything else I could do to hate the place more, I would.
I think I'll go into detail about how much I hate it after I work.
I have to leave now.
I absolutely hate my job. Like, it's not just a general discomfort and frustration, it's an absolute and complete loathing for everything about the place. (except some of the people I work with). If there was anything else I could do to hate the place more, I would.
I think I'll go into detail about how much I hate it after I work.
I have to leave now.
hello and welcome.
So I decided to go (professional?)
I have a livejournal, but I think it's time I matured.
I'll still use that
but this will be for mature things.
So, I'm Ariel. this is my blog.
I have a livejournal, but I think it's time I matured.
I'll still use that
but this will be for mature things.
So, I'm Ariel. this is my blog.
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